she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
