its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
