you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
