he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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