I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
