Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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