Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
