fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
