I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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