im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
