That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
