you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i will never coherently bang her
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
