I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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