How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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