im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
