You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
