i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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