i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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