Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
