And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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