When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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