The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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