the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
