her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
