HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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