Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
