I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I didn't shave. On purpose
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
