She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
