Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have aggressive nipples.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
