I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
