Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
