I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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