don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
