planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
50% drunk capacity currently
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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