There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
