1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
