32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
