My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
