I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
someone owes me an orgasm
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
