Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
