dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i came on her dog
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
