I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
