I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
