there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
