I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize