You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
two words: eviction party
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
