You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
