Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
