Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
