No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
