i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
