So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Even my vagina gasped.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
