Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
