Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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