I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
