Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
