so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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