He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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