haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would fuck him just for his dog
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
