watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
