Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
