there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
