It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would ride that face into the sunset
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
