i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
