he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
