but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize