Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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