everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
