Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
